LW Wong 0 Report post Posted December 7, 2006 I'm not sure if this has been posted before..mods please delete if this is a repeated post. Some funny stuff to share with you guys...a website about funny actual exchanges between airline and ATC. Quoted from http://1stholistic.com/reading/liv_humor_a...fic_control.htm During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on Charlie taxi way; you turned right on Delta. Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!" Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing: Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway." Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!" The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flow to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off (bomb), I didn't stop." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland Center at 3:00 in the morning. "Cleveland Centa, Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland at flight level 39ner zero"..........no answer. The controller may have been getting a fresh cup. "Cleveland Centa, Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland at flight level 39ner zero".......no answer. "Cleveland Centa, Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland at flight level 39ner zero....you know, ve have vays to make you talk". --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teoh Z Yao 0 Report post Posted December 8, 2006 Interesting! Ya know, it's a whole lot funnier up there than ppl wld expect! More of them? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sandeep G 1 Report post Posted December 8, 2006 The last two are fantastic! hehehe Thanks for sharing, have read a couple before. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mohd Idham 0 Report post Posted December 10, 2006 The last wan, not understand la... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andrew Ong 1 Report post Posted December 10, 2006 (edited) A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!" Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing: Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway." Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!" The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flow to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off (bomb), I didn't stop." These ones are very funny Thanks for sharing LWwong Edited December 10, 2006 by Andrew Ong Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seth K 3 Report post Posted December 10, 2006 (edited) The last wan, not understand la... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland Center at 3:00 in the morning. "Cleveland Centa, Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland at flight level 39ner zero"..........no answer. The controller may have been getting a fresh cup. "Cleveland Centa, Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland at flight level 39ner zero".......no answer. "Cleveland Centa, Lufthansa 34 over Cleveland at flight level 39ner zero....you know, ve have vays to make you talk". --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Something has to do with political? Dunno what thou? May be German-English? Edited December 10, 2006 by Seth K Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teoh Z Yao 0 Report post Posted December 10, 2006 Something has to do with political? Dunno what thou? May be German-English? -we have ways to make you talk- maybe by reporting to the FAA that their personnel did a bad job? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sandeep G 1 Report post Posted December 11, 2006 With regards to the last one - "Ve hav vays to make u talk" Think WWII and thing German Interrogation tactics That should help you understand the joke Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pieter C. 5 Report post Posted December 11, 2006 May be German-English? Reminds me of the English WW2-comedy 'Allo Allo' and the gentlemen of the Gestapo Flick & vonSchmallhausen Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alvin 0 Report post Posted December 12, 2006 Good one.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peter Smith 1 Report post Posted December 12, 2006 One personal favourite was back in the early 70's an Ansett 727 was following a Luftwaffe C-160 down finals into DRW... ATC: "Romeo Mike Sierra, continue approach, number 2 to Luftwaffe Transall" AN 727: "Ahhh, i've waited thirty years to have an iron cross in the middle of my window" Needless to say this AN jockey was a WWII vet and the C-160 certainly got off the runway in a hurry!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sandeep G 1 Report post Posted December 14, 2006 I remember reading this one a few years back! Pieter will have definately heard it as it relates to a beloved dutch bird! At LHR, an F50 was on short finals whilst a B744 was waiting at the holding point. B744: Heathrow Tower, Speedbird XXX holding short 27L, ready for departure TWR: Speedbird XXX continue hold position and line-up after the arriving Fokker 50 B744: Hold position and line up after the arriving Focker 50, Speedbird XXX TWR: "Fokker" XXX Cleared to land 27L F50: Cleared to land 27L, "Fokker" XXX The weather was not the best and a gusty crosswind was creating extra work for the F50 crew. The 744 crew watched in amazement as the comparitively smaller Fokker swayed from side to side in an effort to maintain centreline. Over the threshold and the Fokker 50 SLAMMED into terra firma, bouncing along from left-to-right until gaining composure and settling firmly on the ground whilst braking. After a while, the pilot of the 744 broadcast the following and was replied without hesitation from the F50 crew: B744: OOoohhhh, that was a bit of a "fokker" of a landing!!! F50: Yes, it was nearly the end of a beautiful "Friendship" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kianhong 0 Report post Posted December 14, 2006 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wahahaha... this one totally cracks me up!! :rofl: Thanks for sharing LWwong!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teoh Z Yao 0 Report post Posted December 14, 2006 (edited) These are interesting... Do share more... Love to share in the fun out there... Edited December 14, 2006 by Teoh Z Yao Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LW Wong 0 Report post Posted December 15, 2006 Source : http://www.aircadets.co.uk/modules.php?nam...opic&t=2090 Air Traffic Control: Helicopter XYZ hold over Bald Hill at 3000 feet Student Pilot: Roger, holding over Bald Hill at 3000. Concerned Voice: NO! You cant do that, I'm holding over that hill at 3000. (brief pause, then...) First voice again: Youd10t, you're my co-pilot. ================================================== A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ================================================== "B737 Orbit in your current position" "Do you know it costs $2000 to turn this aircraft around?!" "Roger that B737, give me $4000 worth" ================================================== TOWER :"Oscar Foxtrot, hold your current position" AIRCRAFT: "Tower, negative" TOWER : "Oscar Foxtrot, please privide an explenation" AIRCRAFT:"Tower, Oscar Foxtrot is not a helicopter" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andrew Ong 1 Report post Posted December 15, 2006 (edited) I remember reading this one a few years back! Pieter will have definately heard it as it relates to a beloved dutch bird! At LHR, an F50 was on short finals whilst a B744 was waiting at the holding point. B744: Heathrow Tower, Speedbird XXX holding short 27L, ready for departure TWR: Speedbird XXX continue hold position and line-up after the arriving Fokker 50 B744: Hold position and line up after the arriving Focker 50, Speedbird XXX TWR: "Fokker" XXX Cleared to land 27L F50: Cleared to land 27L, "Fokker" XXX The weather was not the best and a gusty crosswind was creating extra work for the F50 crew. The 744 crew watched in amazement as the comparitively smaller Fokker swayed from side to side in an effort to maintain centreline. Over the threshold and the Fokker 50 SLAMMED into terra firma, bouncing along from left-to-right until gaining composure and settling firmly on the ground whilst braking. After a while, the pilot of the 744 broadcast the following and was replied without hesitation from the F50 crew: B744: OOoohhhh, that was a bit of a "fokker" of a landing!!! F50: Yes, it was nearly the end of a beautiful "Friendship" Sandeep, you crack me up and my friend. My friend and I were reading this thread and we were laughing very hard:lol: :lol: :D Edited December 15, 2006 by Andrew Ong Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alvin 0 Report post Posted December 16, 2006 I remember reading this one a few years back! Pieter will have definately heard it as it relates to a beloved dutch bird! At LHR, an F50 was on short finals whilst a B744 was waiting at the holding point. B744: Heathrow Tower, Speedbird XXX holding short 27L, ready for departure TWR: Speedbird XXX continue hold position and line-up after the arriving Fokker 50 B744: Hold position and line up after the arriving Focker 50, Speedbird XXX TWR: "Fokker" XXX Cleared to land 27L F50: Cleared to land 27L, "Fokker" XXX The weather was not the best and a gusty crosswind was creating extra work for the F50 crew. The 744 crew watched in amazement as the comparitively smaller Fokker swayed from side to side in an effort to maintain centreline. Over the threshold and the Fokker 50 SLAMMED into terra firma, bouncing along from left-to-right until gaining composure and settling firmly on the ground whilst braking. After a while, the pilot of the 744 broadcast the following and was replied without hesitation from the F50 crew: B744: OOoohhhh, that was a bit of a "fokker" of a landing!!! F50: Yes, it was nearly the end of a beautiful "Friendship" I don't quite get the joke on the fokker part and on the last part. I know its no longer funny if you explain it but perhaps a lil clue so that I can get it. I am sure there is some hilarious meaning behind it that I just don't get. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pieter C. 5 Report post Posted December 16, 2006 In some dialects, the pronunciation of Fokker can be almost similar to F**ker... The F50 is based on the famous F27 Friendship design... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tsentsan 0 Report post Posted December 16, 2006 Just a classic from me... ---- In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed. "90 knots" Center replied. Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots" (That's about 2004.658 mph who don't know) No further inquiries were heard on that frequency. ---- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tsentsan 0 Report post Posted December 16, 2006 Coupled resist a couple more.. ---- Center: "Flight 123, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.." Flight 123: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?" Center: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 757 makes when it hits a 767?" ----- A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!" The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we're almost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying. They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the co-pilot, "and WIDE too!" ---- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
